Word of the Day Online

Rep. Frank Wolf: You're My Only Hope

Dear Hon. Wolf:

I am hoping that you or someone on your staff can clarify how my husband and I can take advantage of the Government's program to help homeowners with their mortgages.

We tried to refinance through our bank in order to reduce our 6.5% interest rate but in order to do so without having to outlay thousands of dollars in closing costs (which we don't have) our home would have to appraise at a minimum of $316,000. Unfortunately, even though we purchased our home in 2006 for $498,000 there has been an inordinate number of foreclosures in our neighborhood resulting in our recent January estimate of only $296,500. Despite putting down 40% of the purchase price our remaining mortgage balance is $292,000 making us close to being upside down.

How can the Government program help homeowners like us who are paying 6.5% interest and ARE able to make our monthly payments? We are not in default and are currently not at risk of defaulting but yet are unable to take advantage of the reduced rates while people who can't afford their mortgage are able to.

I was listening to President Obama's online town hall meeting today and he talked about Mortgage refinance assistance for homeowners in distress. He spoke about how the Government program allows homeowners to negotiate their interest rate with their bank in order to reduce their monthly payment. The Government then makes up the difference. Does this mean that the Government will be subsidizing mortgage payments for people who can't afford their homes? If so, we're not happy about that considering that we as taxpayers will be footing their bill as well as our own.

Is there a solution for homeowners like us who are TOO responsible and are simply getting screwed in the process? We feel like we're constantly paying for other people's mistakes and we're beyond frustrated.

Best regards,

WOTDO

How are we to verbalize "terrorists" and "terrorism" now? Try the much admired and favored "Man-Caused Disasters" and in place of GWOT we now have the much more catchy OCO or "Overseas Contingency Operation."

Someone please tell our wussy Secretary of Homeland Security that changing the terminology does not actually make us safer. Just because she along with the rest of the knuckleheads in Washington are going to use fluffier terms, this alone will not prevent what are forseeable future terrorist attacks. I am thinking Janet may not be cut out for this job after all.

Surprisingly, I could get used to this terminology though. I know of some Man-Caused Disasters...  

While the lesbians and gays decry their inability to take advantage of the mysterious and ever-elusive "marriage tax benefit" due to not being able to legally wed in most States in the U.S., those of us that are actually married are constantly seeking ways to reduce our "fair share" marriage penalty taxes without actually resorting to eliminating our partner.

One of the more clever tax evading opportunities making waves is the annulment. Non-Catholics all across America are joining and being confirmed as members of the Catholic Church after completing a 3-month CCD course. Afterward, they have their marriages dissolved through quickie annulment proceedings. The Catholic Church has been more than willing to verify the annulments since the couples who were previously considered legally married were not married in the Catholic Church so the "marriages" are therefore considered invalid in their eyes. In acts of reciprocity for saving their financial souls, the newly confirmed and annulled promise to remain members of the Church and offer an annual tithe.

Why go through the hassle of joining the Catholic Church, suffering through CCD classes and praying the Rosary after weekly penance sessions in order to achieve an annulment? After all, uncontested divorces only cost $1000 online or as low as $495 if spending a long weekend in Mexico. Here's the skinny - while a divorce ends a marriage, an annulment states that it never existed. If a marriage never existed, those who formerly paid out Federal and State income taxes at the married rate now have legal recourse to amend their prior tax returns going back seven years!

Joshua Leibofricowicz, who recently joined St. Consuela's in Lackawana County, recommends the annulment process as a way to reduce one's own personal tax burden. "Not only will I pay less taxes this year but I will receive refunds from the past seven. Granted, I can only file one amendment at a time because each year adjusts the following year's return, but the time spent will be well worth it to the tune of about $52,000."

How is the formerly happy couple these days? His ex-wife Frieda, well, non-ex-wife Frieda, expressed her satisfaction now that she can return to using her maiden name, Adams. "Now we just have to decide how to break it to the kids that their father is sleeping with an unmarried woman."

And that's the word of the day. - WOTDO

The approved replacement term for "enemy combatants" has not yet been formally announced by the new administration but those in the know suspect that Obama will use the more proper term "Guest of the State" assuming, of course, that Teleprompter is programmed to do so.